Not that anything I shall write now has relevance to my life. Nor does it stem from my experience. :)

I am simply expressing my thoughts on the topic that has been on my mind for some time. I may be quite wrong.

Basically, I am gradually coming to the conclusion that not much 'boyfriend material' is present 'out there'.

Think about it. There are only about 5-10% of us. In the West, the real number stands at about 3-4% since many gays are still in the closet. In the conservative countries of Eastern Europe, Latvia included, the number is probably about 1-2%. Anyhow, numbers are not important. The point is that there is not much to choose from, to start with.

Those who are gay, may be (1) single and available, (2) single and not available, (3) in a relationship, and therefore unavailable. (There is also a subgroup of 'in a relationship and available' haha - but you do not want to date those, I take it.)

So, pursuing a boyfriend (and presumably happiness), we are left with (1) single and available. Well, unfortunately, many 'single and available' have, what I call, 'issues'!

You do not date anyone with 'issues'. You just don't. Why? You have standards; you have principles; you can simply do better than that.

(Obviously, if you have 'issues' yourself, you should date someone with 'issues' - spare the rest of us from misery.)

Now I shall elaborate on what I consider to be the most common gay 'issues'. Someone with 'issues' is not 'boyfriend material' - this is how I see it.

The number of common 'issues':

1.'Village whores'. Probably the most common type of non-boyfriend-material guys. They sleep around. There are many different subtypes according to general patterns of behaviour and reasons behind slutting it up. You are likely to know a couple of guys of the following species:

a) 'The-world-is-mine sluts'. They are guys with Iron Age instincts... they hunt for fresh meat. They find it, they eat it, they get satisfaction from the process. In 8 hours they will get hungry again, therefore they will go hunting for more meat, bring the meat home, enjoy it. Sleeping around is an exciting game for them. They are thrilled by the challenge. They don't consider themselves sluts but rather successful gay-alpha-males. They are wrong. They are sluts. Not that I disapprove.

b) 'I-have-needs sluts'. They sleep around because they ... like it. It's not about the thrill and chase but rather about satisfying physical pleasures. It is like an addiction. Therefore their case is more severe than the former one. 'The-world-is-mine sluts' don't really have a problem: it is their life-style, which they enjoy and are in harmony with. They are in this list because I have a problem with them :D - they are not fit to be potential boyfriends. 'I-have-need-sluts' do have a problem though: they are sex junkies whose standards... are dubious. When they are desperate for sex, they are ready to do it with anyone.

c)'Victimised sluts'. They are those who used to be normal guys but were unlucky enough to have their hearts broken. They didn't handle it well, so they engaged in sexual promiscuity in order to forget 'their ex'. They need time to recover. When they do, they stop slutting it up. Or they don't.

2. 'Non-committed'. Sometimes you find a perfect man. You all know what it's like. Just... perfect. And you think: There we go, he is the one. However, when the time comes to move relations to the next level, it turns out that he doesn't really intend to 'upgrade' the relationship. There are some guys who have no problem being together for a long period of time, behaving as if you are in a relationship. Yet when it comes to a more or less official status, they get cold feet. Really, the status would not change anything in practical terms, but psychologically it is too much for them to handle. This type is usually hopeless.

3. 'Evasive'. These guys don't like talking about anything personal. You can be with them for quite some time and have fun but they will refuse to talk about your relationship, or the status, or where it's all going, or what they feel. They just don't like discussing such things. Well... how can you have a relationship without discussing things, without knowing what exactly both of you want, like, aspire to?Je ne comprend pas.

4. 'Sexually unorthodox'.Apparently, there are many of those. In fact, the majority may fall under this type to a certain extent. I thought that most gay guys are normal... in terms of enjoying the usual things in bed. It turns out that many boys have issues: some are fetishists, some may have transvestite leanings, some have bizarre issues with cleanliness (you feel creams and lotions rather than skin), the others moan like fire alarms or break showers. Seriously. What the fuck? Normal, please... maybe?

5. 'Marriage freaks'. They are the opposite of 'non-committed'. They want to have cats with you, share mortgage with you, and plan buying a house in Mallorca together on your second date. They are obsessed with finding the right one and entering into a relationship with him, like, right now. When you encounter someone from this subgroup, run and don't look back!

These are the ones whom I do not consider 'boyfriend-material'. And these are only the ones who appear more or less 'decent' on the outside. I did not even mention all the freaks and crazy stalkers who are out there.

So, I guess my point is that it is incredibly hard to find someone. Someone gay, someone single and available, someone 'normal', someone whom you would feel attracted to physically and emotionally, someone who would feel the same about you. Too many criteria to fulfill.

Finding 'the one' is hard. I guess it is worth all the efforts when you finally do find such a person (who presumably has also been seeking for the happily-ever-after for quite some time).

7 November 2009